I lied awake in bed last night, staring up at my ceiling, my mind contemplating matters. After an hour the ceiling got boring to view so i went down stairs into my office, my eyes gazed across the bookshelf, my fingers brushing against the books. Until I came upon my John Steinbeck Collection. I picked up the book "Travels with Charley" and began to re-read it. The one line that stuck out was this. "A burning desire to go, to move, to get underway, anyplace, away from any.....HERE." When i came back to reality it dawned on me........ I need to get away from "Here" by here I mean my present state of mind. Which is "Im gonna act like Im so happy in the public eye when really im a deppressive emo stubborn ass" state of mind. When Em and I broke up, I never got to fully regain the "me" I lost. I just kinda dragged my tortured soul and heart to love someone else. It wasnt fair for them and it really wasnt fair for me. I wasnt me....the real me anyway all my insecurities showed when we talked and usually im one of those guys that is laid back and doesnt let my insecurities get the best of me. I kinda want to show her the real me.. so im hoping for a second chance to a true .....real....first impression.
Chris and I went out for a drink last night, met up at the bar we always use to go too, we talked, bullshitted, hada good time, and after our time spent, it hit me, not only do i miss him but i miss the rest of the guys too, Jc, Joey, and yes even Justin. We had so many good times. Through all the tears, struggles, and achievements we were always there for each other. We have been through all these things, and in our minds we tell ourselves we are close, but in reality we are oceans apart. I wish we were back to the close-knit clan that we were, the one who could never be broken up. Since we tell everyone that *NSYNC is not broken up..... why don't we prove it? Ive gained four amazing brothers 7 years ago. Id like for them to remain my brothers... for all time
J.C.- so what if you can rhyme better than me? I still make the best heartfelt entries. :-D
Joey- Even though I havent talked to you in a while, you know your my favorite brother :-)
Justin- You think I hate you but i really dont, its the fact that i feel like you hate me is what drives me to not talk to you. Hopefully you can regain all our trusts back, because right now Joey and Chris dont think the best of you and JC is starting too also. I have thought that for a while now, but all that is behind me, I hope you find it in you to push your stupidity aside, you arent the Justin any of us use to know infact.......you arent Justin. When you find him....the real him. "Holla" back at me. I'll be waiting with open arms.
Chris- your my best friend, you mean the world to me, all the times i hurt you, you have been true and you have stood by me. I love you and I'll never stop.
My four brothers, older and younger, wiser and dumber, they mean everything to me and its taken me a lifetime to realize that fact. Now i just hope it doesnt take another lifetime for us to reunite.